Brandie Cosby Testimony Section 2-3 of 7

When I was eight years old, my life changed dramatically. I moved to Nacogdoches, Texas. I went from a big city, Houston, to a little bitty town where everybody seemed to know everybody and everybody. I went from being able to bike myself to school to having to be driven on a school bus because we lived so far away from the school. The plus side of moving to Nacogdoches was in Houston, we were only allowed to go to the park a block away from my house; however, my mom let me go four blocks over to my friend's house. The environment seemed a lot safer. Once we moved to Nacogdoches, my mom got a job at a great insurance company. She had a fantastic boss who would allow her children to come to work with her, especially during the summer. My mother also met Bobby during this time, and they later married.  Her boss was so great that he became like a grandfather, treating her kids like a grandfather, getting them lunch, and taking them out of the office to go to the park. He eventually let us stay over at his house in Nacogdoches. Now let me inform you at this point in my life, my grandparents were still in Florida we didn't really have a connection with them anymore, and my biological father was not in my life, so now this man came into our lives as a grandfather figure and showered us with gifts and fun activities to gain our trust and the trust of our mother.

 My mother's boss, Dave, took advantage of my mother and the relationship with Bobby (Dad) that was formulating. Dave told my mom, I'll watch your kids so you can enjoy your time with your boyfriend. My sisters were older, and they ended up getting a jobs and couldn't hang out as often so it was just me and my brother that always hung out at his house in Nacogdoches eventually Dave ended up moving to Tyler but it all started in Nacogdoches when I realized what actual pain was and what it was like to be mandated to keep a secret. I wasn't allowed to tell my mother how much pain I was in because if I did, it would hurt her. We moved in with Dad in Cushing, but that did not stop Dave. From 8 years old until I was 14, I hung out at Dave’s house every weekend, about a month in the summer. He would take me and my brother on vacation’s and bring us to cool places. We played laser tag and putt-putt golf. A lot of the moments, especially Chuck E Cheese, were so fantastic and fun, but it was the moments that were done in secret that would torture me for years to come. This is when I became angry at God. I would go to church every Sunday with this man, and before he would bring me home, we would pray and ask for forgiveness for what we had done because it was inappropriate. I was angry because I didn't think that I should ask for forgiveness for something I didn't even want to do, for something that I wasn't asking for, that would make me so angry, so hurt. Why would God allow this to happen to me to anyone? I not only became angry but also started to question if God was real. So not only did I become angry, but I became faithless. I questioned my experience when I was six years old, and I said that that experience was not true, that the experience of the Holy Spirit was not real, that my encounter had been fake, and that God was not real. Because if he was real, I wouldn't be hurting at that moment. Fast forward to when I turned 14, I stopped, and I prayed to God if you're really real, help me to get free from this man, not only me but anybody, any other child that could be in his path of destruction. He had told me about the others, and that devastated me to know that other people felt the same way I felt to know that they went through the same amount of pain, embarrassment and, shame, and guilt as I did, so I prayed to God one last time, and I asked him to fix the problem. Well, I went to Dave's house that next weekend, and I still hurt. I still cried, and then it clicked. I can solve this problem myself.

I want to put you in my thought process here where I was I was angry, I was hurt I was guilty, I was shameful, I was embarrassed, I was confused, I was sad, I was faithless the hope that I had when I was 6 was stripped away from me I was fearful and lastly I had hate. I wanted to tell you this part so you can understand the mindset that I was in as a 14-year-old about to be a 14-year-old girl I felt ugly unworthy and disgusting,  I knew I could solve all of this I wouldn't ever have to feel any of this and nobody around me would have to find out and I would no longer be in pain. I wrote the suicide letter on a blank piece of computer paper that I pulled out of my printer and stuck it under my keyboard, folded up nice and pretty with the corner folded up that said pull so that my mother would know not to come searching for me but to send the police because by time she would have gotten this letter I would have been long gone. It wouldn't have mattered if she tried to save me, it would have been to late. ( I know now she would have came in and tried to save me). I go to school that day. I'm in high spirits I give away my stuff I give away some locker stuff I give away some important things that meant something to me in my life but as I'm giving everything away the Lord is making a way see I go to class my first period was English. I turned in my homework now the English teacher usually doesn't read our homework for a day or two but God wanted to intervene. God put my suicide note on the back of my homework.  Mrs. Terry my teacher felt the need to look at my homework that day so that she could grade it and I am thankful today that she listened to the Lord and obeyed. She ended up finding my homework finding my letter and she saved my life.

I'm going back to the growth part. It's hard to imagine that an evil situation could turn into a positive, influential situation, but God changes everything for the better. Romans 8:28 tells us that in all things, God works for good with those who love him, those whom he called according to his purpose. Even though I was angry, frustrated, hurt, and even faithless, God still loved me. He still heard my prayers, and he took care of the rest. I am now able to be here to help others.