Brandie Cosby Testimony Section 6 of 7

So let's Fast forward to 2019 have three children I'm still in love with my husband I've started my own business I'm doing really great I'm becoming a little more independent I feel like I'm knowing who I am as a person now but I'm battling with this depression and this anxiety and this fear of my husband leaving me so when he comes home from the oil field we pour it back more we party hard we go at it because why not we have the money we're not hurting we're happy we can do it it's fine.

But my dad gets sick and he dies. That hurt so bad that hurt I felt pain again I didn't know how to deal with the pain except to drink more and now because I had surgery and I don't like pain pills I got this marijuana that's OK to smoke because it's grown naturally and it's not addictived I used to smoke it occasionally anyways because my dad was a hippie so I have reason to smoke it now. Anyways I don't get addicted to substances like most people do I'm not an addict I wanna try every single drug out there at least once because it doesn't matter I won't get addicted to them I'm different. The only drug I will never try is methamphetamine because I would never want to bring that around my husband that was his problem back in the day and I don't wanna cause him to have a problem again.

I had to cover up my pain am I hurt with whatever I could alcohol, marijuana, and party hardy until 4:00 AM that party in lead to a dirt Road riding dirt road riding led to let's go to the dope man's house and use some dope. That's my identity again I lost my identity I lost my dignity self respect I lost the ability to tell people who I was because of who I was because methamphetamine into I lost the ability to have friends because of my friends were so disappointed in my choices that I made they couldn't even speak to me anymore. I remember a phone call with my mother-in-law who said you're not using drugs are you and I lied to her there went my honesty. For one year eight months and 25 days I lost everything. My family I lost it all the lowest of lows I gave my mom my children to take care of because I was so addicted to a substance I knew I couldn't care for them so I gave them to her to take care of them. I fought with the man that I love because I had lost him to a substance I couldn't understand. I went to rehab to better myself to get off of the drugs I stayed there for a month called my mom and said Get Me Out of this place. I called it stupid and told her they're babying me. See I knew exactly what to say to sweet talk her into coming to get me early. Just so I could go back home and use. But the lowest of my lows was when my brother picked me up I was walking back to my mom's house my husband and I had gotten into a fight and split and I started living with this girl and I said I'm gonna get sober and right at this girl's house. Isn't that about right she wasn't sober and right so I couldn't get sober and right with her. I took off walking to my mom's house and my brothers saw me on the road and picked me up and he said where you going little sister. I said can you just bring me home and he looked at me in the eyes, it had been a long time since I looked somebody in the eyes and he said where is home for you now. I broke down and began to cry. Because I no longer had a home, a car, a family, and my identity, hope, faith, all of it was completely gone I said just bring me to momma's house that will do. So I got there ate sleep and woke up as soon as I woke up I realized I was in desperate need of a substance so I asked my mother to bring me to the persons house so I could pick up my stuff. She said no. I was angry and I had to have something so I left on foot. I called my friend and she kept saying she would be there she would be there until my phone died she never come and picked me up so I left on foot. I said to myself ohh my mom will come pick me up she can't stand for me to be out here walking by myself.. I'm a single skinny girl anybody could take me. As I'm walking down the road I hear a car coming and I start to chuckle because I just know that's my mother to come pick me up it passes it was not her truck. I've become bitter thank you this is bull crap you know what I know actually this is not she's just trying to teach me my lesson I get it I won't get past Nat and she will pick me up. I just know. I get to Nat and I hear a car coming and they pass me but they tap on their brakes and then they turn into a driveway and then they put it in park that was not my mother so I knew as I walked on yelling at God that my mother would not let me make it past Jerry's house she would come pick me up before I reach jerryd road. And as I got there there was headlights that I could see. They zoomed on past now I was so mad I just kept walking I was so mad I couldn't even think I was so hurt that my mother had not come picked me up yet how dare she not I'm her daughter doesn't she love me. I got to the big White House the spot of no turn around if you don't turn around now you won't turn around at all that's the rule when going down this road. I paused. No car insight no motor to hear running my dog and I hang our head low and keep walking. It's not very long down that road I see a car coming and decided I would just get a ride from them they can just take me maybe they'll take me so I did the help signal with my hands and they did not stop they didn't even step on their brakes or flash me it was like I was invisible to them. I started yelling at God even more I was so angry I went down the bottom into the big curve I was so thirsty I was so tired I was so angry I was so done. I begged God for someone to stop. I just wanted a drink of water I've seen a house and I begin to knock on their door and it looked like they had just shut down the party so I knocked on the door all I needed was a bottle of water but they wouldn't answer so I stepped off their porch and walked out of their driveway and lo and behold there was an unopened bottle of water. Now usually I do not drink nothing that I am unsure of but in desperate times call for desperate measures and I was desperate for some water so I drank some and I gave my dog some and then I got to the store western hills. I knew they had a faucet and I went and got more water. I was so thirsty and so thankful they had water I knew it wasn't long and I would be at my friend's house and so I drank enough water to get me through. Then a cop started to pass and so I waved my hands knowing that the motion meant help and the cop acted as if I didn't even exist again he didn't even stop. That was actually God saving me from some charges because I probably could have gotten arrested. However, God protected me. Psalms 116 six says the Lord protected the unwary when I was brought low, he saved me. That is exactly what God did for my life when I was at my all-time low on that 13-mile walk back to the trap house. The next three days would change my life because I fell ill (however, I did not know I was sick), and I could no longer get high.

My mother called and asked if I would like to go to the store with her and I said yes. I mostly wanted to go because I wanted to tell her how wrong that was that she left me to die. BUT GOD had other plans. My head started to hurt, and my mom questioned my wig. Turns out I had a staph infection that was going south fast, and she rushed me to the hospital. They released the pressure off my head and sent me home with my mom with a huge dose of antibiotics to fight infection but due to COVID I could not be admitted because it was not COVID related. I was released to her care. For several days I had no clue who my girls where and that life had been bad. I keep asking my mom when is dad coming home. The hardest part is knowing that I did not know who my children were.